Minister for Poverty

It's true, I find poverty very upsetting. I suppose that's expected of any Indian with a conscience. But really how do you, as a concerned citizen lift 600 million people out of poverty and make them middle-class. It's not easy. Even for people like me in a decision-making capacity, we have to think laterally, and luckily we politicians are almost all, out-of-the-box thinkers. I mean look at my literacy project, hain. There's a great solution, if I say so myself. In Jharkhand I have initiated a new rural education scheme. We ae already distributing Mout Blanc pens to the villagers and to all the tribal areas of the state. Sure, I have a 38% equity share holding in the Swiss company,...

...  but hell, just wait and see how quickly this new scheme will improve the literacy rate in the state. Encouraging the poor to write with one of the world's finest implements can only be a sure success. And within a short time, you'll see this 4700 crore pilot project to at least sixteen of the state's poorest districts, even the ones that still don't have a Drive-In Theatre or a Thai restaurant. Besides the pen project is only part of the story. We are also setting up the 9000 crore Rolls-Royce Manufacturing and Assembly Unit in the Vidarbha region of Maharashtra. Talk about lateral thinking, after seven years of continuous famine there, what better ways is there to take farmer's minds off suicides, I'm sure very soon the luxury car segment will increase ten-fold in rural areas. Just watch! Once people see their favourite minister riding around in a 4.5 crore luxury car in a famine stricken area, their aspirations can only go up and up ... to be sure, luxury brands are already flooding the rural market. In fact in Maharashtra I personally saw a cotton farmer pick up two matching Luis Vuitton suitcases before committing suicide. It was amazing. High brand Rolex watches are doing brisk business in Eastern UP. I was speaking to a Congress MLA from there, he said he only used Rolexes and Omegas to keep exact track of time for ransom demands. Did you know Christian Dior perfumes are being bought by many tribals in Bihar? In fact the local police can use the scent to track down major income tax defaulters among the tribals ... This is all a positive sign. And I'm sure India's villages would see a significant jump in the number of billionaires in the next decade ... Jai Hind.