Architect

Architect wanted with cool exterior, and studied manner required by established company. Part teacher, part practitioner, part writer, candidate may be a kind of new age Leonardo dabbling in disciplines for which he has neither training nor skill. When there is no work in the office candidate should be willing to write a manifesto or two; when there is nothing to write he should be able to deliver a lecture on some obscure but promising new theory of design like the Proto Renaissance and its influence on Secular Architecture. Architect’s credentials however must be impeccable – a diploma from a five-year programme from a recognized school, a specialist degree in some sort of related architectural field like urban design, city planning, backed by a specialist course in Third World Development Patterns from Princeton, Sorbonne or Harvard. Low-key, cool, gently urbane with just the right doses of reticence and cynicism, architect’s expression should be a little aloof, the face always displaying a palpable concern at any discussion of rural poverty. Soft spoken, prone to numbling when dealing with statistics, but able to debate freely in private forums of other architects, mixing historical references from obscure periods with contemporary design dictums, candidate should be able to discuss Akbar and Edwin Lutyens, the Bohra Houses of Gujarat and the ruins of Machu Piccu with equal passion. Must excel in the display of his grasp of Indian mythology, folklore and traditional texts, even though the feet may be firmly anchored in the latest trend from America. On the whole a tough, insightful, deeply philosophical, but pragmatic individual, with a keen eye for tweed jackets and muffler.

Apply Box Box 999

Wanted: DOYEN

Ministry of Culture seeks candidates for Doyen of Indian art. Large round women with billowing white hair and tribal saris are encouraged to apply. Candidates must talk in a monotone, saying little and punctuating their words with profound sighs and resonant silences. Phrases like ‘folk tradition’ , ‘cosmic unity’ and ‘essence of being’ should come easily to them. In matters of culture no one should be able to claim to know more. Applicants must be willing to save India’s ancient heritage by selling it abroad. Candidates must travel tirelessly in search of foreign countries wishing to host year long festivals. While in India they must travel tirelessly in search of acrobats and dancing monkeys willing to performs at festivals. Applicants for doyen must be middle aged and live a frugal life with their own small collection of haveli doors, Rajasthani chairs and ethnic mats, in the evenings and candidates must entertain foreign guests with expensive scotch served in mud bowls.

Box 212.